My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
