I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
