Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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