i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
