Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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