apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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