Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
