If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
