I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
