Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
