I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
