That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
