Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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