u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
