just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
