My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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