how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
