Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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