How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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