i barfeds in our rink
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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