i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
