I think I am morally bankrupt
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
