I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
