I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
