So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
