I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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