well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
