why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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