She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
