can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
