We won't sleep together?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I could make wine with my vomit
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
