My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
