My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
