There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
