threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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