So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
