So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
