i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
