There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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