rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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