I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
