quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
