Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
