I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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