Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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