I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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