there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
