I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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