The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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