??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
