this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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