handjob tips. give me some.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
