All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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