did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
