My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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