This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
