Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
