"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
